My name is Anika... pronounced like "Anakin" the Skywalker, minus the 'n' :)
Quite often there is a battle going on in my mind after engaging in conversation, that goes like this: "You said too much. You didn't say enough. Why did you have to say that? "They" won't like you now. You should've just been completely open and honest, it doesn't matter what "they" think. You told them THAT?! They are probably horrified now. ...Just be transparent. Be real. Be authentic. Be who God made you."
...and so goes the cycle of war. Lol. Anybody out there with me?!
See my past is famously colored in hues of pain, heartbreak, trials, failure, unforgiveness, bitterness, shame, regret, embarrassment, loneliness, and just ...sadness. In short, if I could splash paint on a wall, and that wall was my past... that wall would be black! For a long time, and even still sometimes now, I just want to cover my past UP! I don't want anyone to be able to "see into me".
But, ...as my soon to be 99 year-old grandma "Looie" says, "there's always a but!"....But, The Lord graciously put His light in me, so that no matter how hard I try, no matter how much paint I throw on my "wall", no matter how much I struggle to keep silent and keep to myself, Jesus's light is stronger, bolder and so much BRIGHTER than my past. There is absolutely no possible way, to keep it hidden.