My grandmother used to say, "God answers your prayers in three ways:
And most of the time, He answers with wait." I have found myself wanting.... no, desperately needing a resolution to a matter with my children for seven long, hard years. Somedays I feel as if Jesus is right next to me, with His hand on my shoulder, leading me, showing me the way, and pouring out peace as if I was standing under a waterfall. Other days, I feel as if I'm suffocating from a pain that will never ever go away. I have discovered that the heart can break 1001 times, and somehow find a way to break again.
Tonight, I miss my children more than I can even express. It's been 2 years, 6 months, and 27 days since I've seen or talked to them. On August 23, 2016, it will be 7 years that I've waited for answers, resolution, justice & victory.
That is a very long time to wait.
The times I've wept without being able to utter a word, the times I've asked, pleaded, and all out begged God to reunite me with my children are countless... and yet, He's always answered with, ... "wait". To some it could seem like a cruel joke, and if I'm totally honest, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two. But, I have realized, over the years, that He always had a purpose for the wait. I don't know if there is room on this computer screen for me to tell you all the miracles He's provided me in the waiting period,
but to name a few...
He saved me from a period of time where I was subjected to mental, emotional and sexual abuse, control and manipulation, which ultimately saved my life.
He gave me a burning passion to see women rescued from domestic violence and a love so deep for them that even I can't describe.
He gave me the love of my life, my husband David.
He gave me a business which I'm not only able to do something I love, but I am able send proceeds to help end human trafficking.
He took me from homeless in 2012 to providing a custom built home for David & I to move into January of 2017.
He moved me from Tennessee to Texas where He landed me at Create Church. A place where I'm loved, I'm accepted, I'm encouraged, and a home we hope to stay at as long as God gives us breath.
After giving up a record deal with Capitol Records and laying down my greatest passion, music, He opened up a way for me to not only write again, but to worship Him as a co-worship leader with my husband at church.
He changed my heart... to forgive those who have not asked for forgiveness. To let go of bitterness and anger and replace it with love.
He's given me emotional strength that can not be measured or weighed.
He's restored lost friendships.
That heart that's been broken 1001 xs over, yeah He's mended that too.
He took a broken, beaten, abused, shell of a girl and turned her into a strong, beautiful, bold, brave woman.
Like I said.... I could go on and on... and there is so much more. But I've realized that, I think my Grandma missed one thing in the way He answers our prayers. See I've learned that when He says "wait", He's actually saying "Love". Now, what I hear when I talk with God and plead for change or ask for direction... I hear Him, gently and so quietly, say,
Yes...and I love you.
No...but I love you.
Wait...because I love you.
See there is a ton of pain in waiting...and sometimes hopelessness can creep in, but if you look hard enough, if you push in hard enough, and if you keep knocking and keep knocking and KEEP KNOCKING... you will find...
He's in the waiting.
Thank you Kristene DiMarco & Jeremy Riddle for writing a song that brought me so much healing. And thank you to my dear friend Anita for sending it to me this morning. You don't know how perfect your timing (God's timing) was.